Retirement As You Want It

Name My New Program and Win Coaching Sessions

Do you know people who constantly are giving to others, without taking care of themselves?

I'm creating a new program and I'd like your help in naming it. The person who comes up with the best name will win 2 hour-long telephone coaching sessions with me. Let me tell you about it.

The people I serve are over 50 - Boomers and older. Here are some ways I describe them:

 

* They've had a wake-up call: a medical crisis or a friend's terminal illness; the business or career that they put their whole lives into nurturing is going downhill in the recession;they lost their spouse; their parents have recently died or they're about to reach the age when their parent died young; their last kid just went off to college, leaving an empty house; their friends are downsizing or leaving full-time work and really enjoying exploring their own desires

 

* They've spent the last 30-40 years of their lives taking care of everyone else, being overly-responsible for them and under-responsible for themselves

* They've followed rules laid out by others - their parents, authority figures, social expectations - to be "successful" --  make a good living and take care of others

 

* They've been emotional caretakers - of their families, friends, and employees - always putting others' needs before their own, and they feel tired out, depleted

 

* They might have some physical symptoms of stress: headaches, insomnia, overeating, over-drinking

 

* They're asking: What about me? When is it going to be my time? They are beginning to be aware of their own needs and what they're lacking. They're ready for a change in focus.

 

* They might have a secret desire to do something really different - maybe a different career, try a new sport, a new creative activity - they want to make that happen before it's too late.

I am designing new programs to speak to the craving that these people have to balance their lives, to feel a new vibrancy, a new beginning, to feel filled up, rather than used up.

To nourish their own soul, their bodies, their minds. To be so engaged in what they are doing, that time passes effortlessly - to be in Flow. 

These are the people I'm here to serve. If you're a creative wordsmith --- (I'm not!) --- please help me come up with some phrases or words that describe the Benefit I am offering this group of people. What would describe them in such a way that elicits the response: "That's me! She's reading my mind. I need to do that for myself."

Write to me at Karma@LifeSpringCoaching.com and Remember, the winner of this contest gets 2 coaching sessions with me.

Preview of New Book Showcasing My Passion for All Things Horsey

I'm on vacation and doing what I pledged to myself to do - complete the manuscript for my upcoming book, Women Riders Who Could... and Did: Life Stories of Top Level Equestriennes.

I've mentioned before that my husband and I started riding horses at about age 50 - Yup, never rode as kids, but as an adult I fantasized about riding a horse. Thought I better learn to ride before it's too late. So, we bought property in horse country in W. Massachusetts and before long joined the avid 14 year olds in taking lessons. That led to our owning a series of horses and falling in love with these big, graceful, athletic creatures who are so willing to do what you ask of them. Photo is of me on Diamond, my Lippitt Morgan gelding.

What better idea for my next book, I thought a few years ago. So, I embarked upon a journey to interview excellent horse women in all different equestrian disciplines. The book is a compilation of life stories and photographs of each of these women in their barns and ranches from Florida to Hawaii to Texas. It should be available in a few months -  Stay tuned if you're a horse enthusiast. 

Does Social Networking Grab You?

Boomers and older are flocking to social networking sites in droves. Even "seniors" (over age 60) can find a host of sites created for their needs. See listing here of the 50 best social networking sites, compiled as of November 2008. These sites reportedly are more grounded and less superficial than Facebook and Twitter. They offer opportunities to connect with other like-minded people, for romance, or for matching people with their interests like hiking, travel, or bridge.

Since we know that social isolation is one of the biggest culprits leading to depression in single older people, it makes sense to incorporate computer literacy in programs for seniors. Once they get past any shyness about communicating with strangers and also master the basic requirements and social etiquette of networking online,the medium can offer lots of fulfillment.

Here are a sampling of the kinds of sites especially relevant to people over age 40:

• Maple and Leek for 50+ who want to meet adventurous and entrepreneurial people 
• Life Two, "Midlife Improved"  
• Senior Friend Finder, a dating site 
• Mango Tree, to find travel partners 
• Dogster for dog lovers 
• Patients Like Me for people who share similar health problems 

Write your experiences or those of your older relatives with social networking. Are they finding satisfaction with whom and what they find on these sites? Are they disappointed about the quality of people whom they meet? Are they subjected to hard sell advertising? What is the downside?

ReAssessing Your LIfe for Your Second Journey

In mid-life we can find ourselves prompted to reassess, re-evaluate: who are we? are we living the life we want? are we expressing our true purpose? Perhaps compelled by a crisis -- a layoff, end of relationship or an illness -- rather than avoiding feelings, we can choose to face them. Rather than sticking to what we know -- familiar routines, places, and people -- we can elect to give ourselves a sabbatical from the ordinary.

I was struck recently with an essay written by Joan Anderson, author of the memoir,The Second Journey, that our new government in the US and the financial meltdown have challenged many to question what truly matters.

 

Anderson encourages us to "redesign life in [your] own image ... to come of age in the middle of life, rather than live out our days lacking purpose or energy."

During her "sabbatical" Anderson in her mid-years met 90 year old Joan Erickson, wife of the famous psychologist, who, from her vantage point of old age, prompted her to see that the obstacles she's encountered in her life have made her resilient, hardy. As she journeyed through her new paths, she realized that "the first half of life is prescribed, whereas in the second half we get to write our own prescriptions."

What prescriptions or scripts are you writing for your second journey? Are you continuing to live a life prescribed by others - parents, your culture, your church? Or are you creating your own vision of what brings you meaning and purpose?

The Gift of Curiosity - Can We Recapture our Childhood Passion for Learning?

Have you noticed that curiosity is de rigeur for children, but unusual for adults, especially as they age, get set in their ways, their interests, their friends, their usual patterns of doing things?

I have reviewed books by Montagu, by the gerontologist, Dr. Gene Cohen, and others who tout the value of nurturing our innate curiosity -- of the value this has for us, at any age, but especially as we get into the boomer years and beyond. It keeps our brains fresh and producing that complex dendrite formation that we need to keep our brains agile and strong. And it also keeps us pursuing a wonderful, exciting life, no matter where we are and no matter how our physical bodies are functioning.  

I just got a message from a reader, Barry Camson, who writes a blog called, "Bridges to Knowledge." In Barry's post - "The Cultivation of Curiosity" - he suggests to his corporate and business clients that we consciously decide each day to cultivate curiosity. "Identify some idea, concept or person... Pursue this curiosity through talk, Googling, Wikipedia or other wikis, in person, on the Internet, by phone and via active and conscious use of our senses. Be conscious of what we are seeing, hearing, smelling, touching, tasting, as well as experiencing." Then articulate our learning to ourselves and share with trusted people what we are learning. 

I don't know about how many dendrites are forming in my brain, but I do know that my curiosity has taken me to many new and exciting places in recent years, much more than in my middle years when I was not very risk-taking, physically or mentally.

I've learned about blogging! taught myself how to self-publish books(with lots of help from the Internet, listservs, and consultants), learned how to ride a horse at age 50, added a new career to my busy psychotherapy practice - as a life coach specializing in transitions such as retirement lifestyle planning, and have started a TV show, called "Alivelihood: New Careers As We Age.

What are you doing to enhance your life using your curiosity to learn new things? Are you stuck? Unsure what you'd be interested in doing, learning, trying, noticing? Contact me for complimentary coaching session ... if, and only if you are ready to move ahead to make your life full of wondrous new experiences.

 

The Value of Play in Leading to Resiliency in Adults

In this time when our perceptions of the stability of our economy have shattered, we would do well to look to a human behavior that many adults find frivolous.

Play is something some of us are good at and some less good. Dr.Stuart Brown, of the National Institute for Play, has made a career out of researching the role of play, both in the animal world and in humans. Human beings are designed to play throughout their lifetimes, he said in a TED lecture. As part of his research, he interviewed 6000 people to record their play histories.

Brown came to this interest after studying murderers and discovering that the piece that was missing in their early lives was the experience of play as youngsters. He found a connection between playful activity and success. "It's essential to our social skills, adaptability, intelligence, creativity, and ability to problem-solve." 

What is play for you? Brown defines play as purposeless and all-consuming. It doesn't have any particular goal; it is done for its own sake. It engages our whole being, so that we are not thinking of anything else when we are at play.

Rather than being the prerogative of youngsters and animals, he declares, it is everyone's right. And, it has far-reaching consequences in our well-being. It is just as critical as nutrition, rest, and exercise, he has found. It is the mechanism whereby we "become resilient, smart, and adaptable." 

How might you incorporate play into your life today? Imagine the face of a young child swinging on a swing or your dog catching a ball and retrieving it. Such innocent activities, yet with such far-reaching implications, Dr. Brown has discovered.

Tips for Staying Sane in a World of Economic Distress

We cannot escape the doomsday news, the drawn faces of our friends and business contacts, our own family members' anxiety about what's next. But, people all over the world have experienced economic setbacks, wars, and major losses. As Americans born after the Great Depression, we've been fortunate to have experienced a long, mostly upward swing in our lifestyle possibilities. So, this crisis doesn't fit  with our perceptions of how the world operates for us. It's the loss of our normal expectations more even than the loss of money that often causes us to feel symptoms of malaise. 

What can we do to stay healthy and sane? How can we exercise our innate resiliency? Here are some tips:

• Keep up and expand your social and business relationships. Research on emotional and physical health have found strong associations between "social support" and health and longevity.
• Take extra good care of your mind, body, and soul.Even though you might have some sleep or appetite disruption (too much or too little of either one), monitor your self-caretaking habits and continue to get exercise, eat healthy foods on regular basis throughout the day, do relaxation exercises or other forms of stress reduction activity, and make use of any spiritual practice that suits you.
• Practice thinking positively. Although you might have worried thoughts descending upon you, especially when alone or trying to sleep, you can alter this negative thought habit with practice. Develop affirmations you can believe in.
• Make decisions and take action about your finances. Rather than using avoidance, bury your head in the sand kind of behaviors, do what is necessary to downsize and economize. But, don't make this project the centerpiece of your life. Instead, include activities that involve the resiliency strategies mentioned above.
• Use this time to go back to the essentials. Spend more time with family and friends and also with pets; read books; expand or incorporate a more spiritual life; get to know yourself better - your vulnerabilities and strengths.
• Develop meaningful activities. In countless surveys, people indicate that it is meaningful relationships and activities rather than material things that make them feel fulfilled. Discover what these are for you and build them into your life.

See the American Psychological Association's "10 Ways to Build Resilience" for more tips.

If you would like to work with a life coach to develop and strengthen your resiliency to cope with stressful events such as this current economic downturn, contact me for a complimentary telephone session at Karma@LifeSpringCoaching.com. 

 

Meaning Wins Over Money as Motivator for Boomers and Beyond

The Met Life Mature Market Institute published results from a survey in January 2009 that, surprisingly, demonstrates that people value Meaning even more so than they value money or even health. In "Discovering What Matters: Balancing Money, Medicine, and Meaning," 1000 people ages 45 - 74 are surveyed online about the choices they make concerning what matters most to them. The study is based on the work of Richard Leider, one of my favorite authors ( see The Power of Purpose) in the field of purpose and meaning

Wouldn't you imagine it would be concerns about money or health (which is what Medicine refers to) that would have been critical in these times? No, across those decades, people in the survey rated "spending time with friends and family" as what meant most to them. And, the older group (65-74) valued their people connections even more.

People who felt most content with their lives and optimistic about the future defined themselves as living the Good Life. Of those living the Good Life, 84% stated they lived a life with purpose. Spending time with friends and family, taking care of their physical self, and enjoying personal interests are those experiences that contributed most to their sense of a purposeful Good Life.

What is the Good Life for you, even as you face an uncertain economic future? What matters most? Is it recouping what you have lost in the stock market? Is it taking care of your physical and mental self? Is it making your community a better place or helping make things better for others? Is it loving and deep relationships?

Comment here or write to me at Karma@LifeSpringCoaching.com

 

Allee Willis - A Boomer Extravagante!

Allee Willis contacted me a few days ago to tell me about her party last night in honor of 91 year old drummer, Jerrie Thill, called "Hey, Jerrie." Jerrie is on oxygen, I imagine because of emphysema, but she's drumming away as she has all her life. Wished I could have been there. People Magazine wrote that "invitations to Allee Willis' ultra-exclusive parties are the campiest hot tickets in LA." But, alas, I'm in Boston. Her house, known as "Willis Wonderland," is filled with what's described as 'atomic kitsch." I understand her parties are known for their performance art; just seeing "the world's largest assemblage of kitsch" would have been a gas.

So, who's Allee Willis? That was my question. Why should I want to blog about her? It seems that she's the epitome of boomerism - "I can have it all" style. She's a GRAMMY winning composer who's collaborated with some of the best -- Bob Dylan, James Brown, Herbie Hancock -- all different genre, as you can see. Her records have sold over 50,000,000 copies.

She's an artist who's sold 1500+ pieces of painting, sculpture, furniture and motorized objects. Her works integrate music, art, video, and multi-media technology.

She's been a pioneer in cyber-media back when it was not much done - back in 1990. She and her partner Prudence Fenton developed the first social networking site.

She's consulted with Microsoft, Intel, AOL and Disney to create virtual worlds. She's been an advocate for cyber-space artists and has testified in Congress to retain artists' rights to their works in the cyber-world.

She got into theater in 2001 when she consulted on musical direction and composed what became a Tony-nominated piece. The New York Times quoted Willis as describing her work as "a blend of the highest tech and design and the lowest kitsch."

There's much more, but you'll have to check out her website if you're turned on to this multi-dimensional woman who's doing it all. She's certainly an inspiration to me.

Do you know of others whom I should feature here? Comment on the blog or write to me at karma@LifeSpringCoaching.com

One Person's Experience to Inauguration of America's New President

Tom Schade, Unitarian Universalist Minister at a church in Worcester, MA, shared his Sunday sermon with me, the one he gave prior to Martin Luther King Day and the American Inauguration. His heartfelt comments resonated for me and took me back to when JFK was elected. But, this is different and even more amazing that the US has been able to leave its history of racism behind and elect the person. Here is Tom's prose poem:

I had to ask, “what is this that I am feeling?” You don’t know what to call it:

I find myself overcome at the end of my breath,

Surprised by the  corkscrew tightenings

in the chest;  it feels 

so silly, 

these invisible shudders inside that make it hard to finish a sentence,

does anyone else see them?

I have to flap my hands and laugh;

Until the storm passes.

It’s all so corny,

 like amber waves of grain.

But I feel it when I see everyone at once,   

when I see you all.

Many writers and poets start making lists

When they are seized by this feeling:

Calling the roll of polarities:

Black and white, male and female,

young and old,

Gay and straight

as though listing each somehow

conveys this feeling for all.

But What to call that feeling?

Walt Whitman called it adhesion,

this heady eros of all for all.

Yes, eros, desire, attraction, passion.

The desire of each person for the widest vision of humanity

That their eyes can hold.

An attraction as overwhelming as first love,

And as sweet,

And as pent-up and yearning for fulfillment.

We, Americans, have been an artificially created people,

Assembled from peoples all over the globe,

And some unwillingly,

For an infinite variety of motives.  

And we have never been united,

Stumbling through the ages,

Hurting each other,

Hitting each other,

Even hating each other,

Is it any wonder that we don’t  know

How to name the adhesion that we feel,

The fellow feeling and the solidarity

That binds us together. 

But I think that is what is being stirred up

Emotionallyl

This week.

Adhesion

And what I will hope that we take forward

into the ages to come.