Retirement As You Want It

The Great Artists' Lives Are Models for Reinventing Your Life

I never thought of myself as being a creative person... until last year when I was introduced to collage and acrylic painting by an inspirational creativity coach named Sandra Shuman. Since then I have blossomed with creativity and passion for learning and experimenting with my creativity, not only with visual arts, but in refashioning my life.

Fred Mandell, co-author with Kathleen Jordan, of Becoming a Life Change Artist: 7 Creative Skills to Reinvent Yourself at Any Stage of Life, writes that anyone is capable of being creative. I believe it now, although I always maintained that one had to be born with a gift of creativity, like my late artist-brother R.B. Kitaj. But, creativity is not just confined to doing art work or composing music or poetry. No, the authors apply the concept of creativity to any life change.

Mandell and Jordan studied biographies of the great artists of the Western world and culled out several processes that they went through to create their masterpieces. Ordinary people utilize these same processes as they go through life changes, the authors write. They become "life change artists."

Not everyone who goes through a life change, though, is a "life change artist." But, everyone has the capacity to encounter a life change in a creative manner, according to the authors. And, to the extent one does, one may live creatively, much as the great artists did.

What does it take?

• Prepare yourself for change by doing activities that take you out of your comfort zone, just a little, and take you out of your normal routines
• Allow yourself to see in new ways by exposing yourself to new connections, fresh perspectives, alternative interpretations
• Familiarize yourself with the contexts within which you are now and the ones you might segue into
• Embrace uncertainty by welcoming opportunities
• Take risks by taking action without certainty of outcome
• Develop collaborative working relationships, which are the "combustion chamber of creativity"
• Be disciplined even when you're not intensely motivated

See... you too can be a Rembrandt, Matisse, or O'Keefe when it comes to making life changes. Mandell and Jordan's book is filled with compelling stories about the great artists, as well as people whom they interviewed who made big life changes. It appears to me, however, that when we use these "creative skills" for even mundane life changes, it propels us toward a more fulfilling outcome.

What life changes are you facing? How might you use the 7 creative skills to enhance your approach to this life change?

A Call For a New Stage Between Midlife and Old Age

The media likes to scare us with dire predictions of what is going to happen when the huge boomer population grays - apocalyptic pronouncements dominate the news. Bankrupting social security and Medicare; streets full of walkers instead of strollers; overstressed health care system; fears that young people will be neglected in favor of this large population of needy "codgers."

Marc Freedman's new book, The Big Shift: Navigating the New Stage Beyong Midlife, urges readers to invent the parameters of an entirely new stage of life, much like we needed to do 100 years ago when there was no such thing as "adolescence. This new stage is so new, that there is not even a name for it. It encompasses decades in between middle age and old age. Contrary to what media pundits say, people in this new stage are ripe for contributing to society in hugely meaningful ways. A far cry from codgers ambulating with walkers.

Freedman is known for his groundbreaking book, Encore: Finding Work That Matters in the Second Half of Life, and for creating the Purpose Prize and Civic Ventures, programs that showcase active, vibrant Third Agers, who contribute to society in the spheres of health care, education, and social service.

Freedman makes a plea for relinquishing our love affair with youthfulness as we age, for abandoning the designation "senior," and instead, for celebrating the opportunities that 3rd agers have to contribute in a significant way beyond self and family. This is a time of "active wisdom, " of "robust personal growth," he writes.

"So how do we turn the period that's been opening beyond midlife from a season all too often characterized by identity-void, economic disengagement .... into something that has a shot of being the new crown of life?" He offers 10 steps toward creating a new stage, including, e.g., an Encore Bill, reminiscent of the GI Bill, to "help people develop their human capital and transition into new roles." As ever, Freedman is the consummate spokesperson for making this new stage one that showcases the many opportunities that this group has to make the world a better place for future generations. A far cry from the apocalyptic predictions we normally read in the media.

 

For Boomer Women Only - "Wake Up Wisdom for Women"

Do you want to be astonished, outraged, relieved, or just laugh alot? Are there times when you just don't get it why your very dearest friend throws cold water on your new idea, project, item of clothing, or your story about your kid's new accomplishment? Do you wonder why you don't always fantasize about your own spouse when you're having sex with him or her? Are you curious if you're the only mom or grandmom who really wants time to herself rather than be a full-time child concierge?

If you are here with me, check out owner of Mint Green Marketing, 4-time author, mom, wife, and best friend, Alyssa Dver (pronounced De Vere)'s new book, MsInformed: Wake Up Wisdom for Women. I interviewed Dver on my TV show, "Alivelihood: New Adventures As We Age" to find out how a Wharton MBA, successful marketing consultant, main support of her family, decided to write a provocative book that exposes women's secret and sometimes, embarrassing behaviors. Dver likes to reinvent herself, and this book is her new incarnation.

Dver believes that today's woman is "information-rich and confidence-poor." She consults with many women entrepreneurs who perhaps fit into this category. Women, she believes, because of their intense need to belong and feel loved and appreciated, do and say all kinds of things that do not express their true feelings. Did you ever tell a friend that she looks great in a new outfit, even though you think she looks dumpy? Did you ever refrain from telling your friend that her husband came onto you at last night's cocktail party? 

The need to belong, expressed via exquisite caregiving of everyone, is the hallmark of women. In Maslow's Hierarchy of Human Needs, they often are stuck in the 3rd level of the hierarchy, rather than reaching for the highest level, which is self-actualization.

This is responsible for many women's lack of confidence, Dver says. To find out more about this phenomenon, she surveyed 195 women ages 20-80, using a confidential online tool. Here women told her some surprising "facts" about their behaviors and thoughts.I don't want to spill the beans, because much of the fun of reading this little 100 page book is the surprise factor.

Part of the surprise is that Boomer women in her survey fare better in the confidence category than their millennial children. Women over age 60 are the most confident, whereas women ages 20-29 are least confident. 92% of women over 60 report being happy with their lives. In contrast to their younger counterparts, women over 60 are less inclined to wish they had married someone different. What about you? Where do you stand in terms of your own self-confidence and sense of well-being?

Being MsInformed, Dver writes, means "you were never broken" and don't have to be fixed. The mission of her book is to alleviate some stress for her readers. She leaves us with a few words of wisdom: Don't take yourself too seriously; aim for no regrets; practice the art of apologizing when you screw up; ENJOY THE RIDE.

 

 

 

New Book About Passionate People in the 2nd Half of Life is Delicious to Read

Bruce Frankel, author of What Should I Do With the Rest of My Life: True Stories of Finding Success, Passion, and New Meaning in the Second Half of Life, gathered stories of people that will amaze you. Each one is delicious to read about. There is Thomas Dwyer, a 70-something man who had never danced, who joined a dance troupe after leaving his career as a US  intelligence officer overseas."He extends lanky, marionette-like arms and moves his 127 pound frame on flamingo-thin legs. ... A whispering curiosity spreads through the audience as the usual assumptions about what an elderly body can do clash with his sinewy defiance of them."

Consider Alidra Solday who decided to document the story of Doris Haddock, a 90-year old woman who walked across the US to call attention to the need for campaign finance reform. A newbie to being a documentarian, Solday was squelched by an influential person on Haddock's team, but she persisted until she could complete the journey. Her documentary won awards and was aired on PBS all over the country.

I offered to read the book to review for this blog,thinking "Oh, another book about the 2nd half of life. Ho-hum" Was I wrong! Frankel, a journalist and obviously a man who loves meeting people and telling their stories, wrote a compelling book about wonderful people. I'd love to meet every one of them.

Each chapter is a story of an individual who was not about to relinquish their curiosity, their vitality, their quest for meaning, just because she or he was "older." No, each one went on to establish new careers, new projects, new businesses and all kinds of adventures just because they wanted to. And each adventure took hard work, dedication, perseverance. None of these people are dabblers. They're all smitten with what they're doing and nothing will get in their way.

Author Frankel has transformed himself a few times as well. He was once a psychiatric aide, then became a prize-winning investigative reporter for USA Today and later for People Magazine before going back to school to get an MFA to get credentials to write and publish poetry. I guess he's one of these people who finds success through doing what he's passionate about and finds meaningful.

This is a good read... almost a page-turner. And bound to give you inspiration and role models for going into your 3rd and even 4th Age.

 

The Challenges and Opportunities of Early Retirement

When to retire?  For some people the answer to this question is never!  For most, the range is between 50 and 70.  That’s quite a spread, and the time you choose creates different options and issues, and determines your own unique journey. 

Retirement statistics inform us that people are living longer today.  For a person retiring at 65, the average life expectancy is between 20 and 23 years.  This means I could be living half my working life in retirement. What if I live to be 90, like my mother? How would I balance my time between work and leisure?

I began working in 1964 and retired in 2007, after 43 years.  I spent the last 26 years as Finance, and later Marketing Director of Barry’s Tea, and that was the longest and most rewarding part of my career.I loved my time at Barry’s Tea, right up to the day I left.  When I said this to friends and colleagues, some of them asked me…why then did you leave your interesting career at a comparatively early age?

Because financially I could!  But my career was never just about money, and neither was my retirement.  In my mid fortiesI had the foresight to negotiate an option to retire at 60… 65 being the normal age in the Company. From that day on I was clear about when to retire and never wavered from that decision.  I sought retirement coaching, and began some detailed preparation for retirement.

At 60 I was blessed with good health, energy, a youthful outlook, and a love of learning...would I still feel that way at 65?  This thought also influenced my decision to retire early.  There was no guarantee that I would have the same options and possibilities if I waited until 65. And other life issues were becoming prominent...aging parents, the “empty nest” syndrome and a growing awareness of health issues

My ideal vision of retirement involved staying in the workforce. I wanted to pursue a second career, using my best skills and experience accumulated over decades. But I wanted more leisure time with family and friends than I had in full time employment.I was not interested in the traditional “retirement”, but I wanted to work less and at a more relaxed pace. I wanted to do something more meaningful in my retirement, and I still needed to earn some income.

Phases of Retirement

The pre retirement preparation phase was exciting, almost euphoric, as I contemplated the end of the 9-5 routine, freedom, independence and a chance to do all those thing I’d been dreaming about.  When I first retired I enjoyed the honeymoon phase, as I planned and considered possibilities.  However, within six months I experienced a period of disenchantment, including a sense of loss and loneliness.  I alternated between busyness and inertia, before finding stability and contentment with a lower level of activity.

False Starts

I had a number of false starts.  I was flattered to be invited to join two new business ventures, only to find that they weren’t what I wanted at all. With time on my hands, I was persuaded by a friend to take on an onerous role as secretary to a community service organization and soon discovered that it just ‘wasn’t me’.

If I were to do it over again, I would not have made any major commitment for the first year, and I would have settled for a more gradual transition to my next act, my coaching practice. I found it difficult selling myself and my services, a very different experience from selling ‘Ireland’s finest Tea.’

The What do you do Question

In retirement the question ‘what do you do’ is challenging!  I was reluctant to say "I’m retired" because it often evoked what I perceived as negative comments, such as, "do you have a problem filling your day," or "aren’t you lucky to have got out before the recession hit?"  While I was working for Barry's Tea, I took great pride in my career and my association with the highly respected company. When my answer was ‘I’m the Finance and Marketing Director of Barry’s Tea’, there often followed an animated conversation about the company and its products and my role in its success.

When I’m asked that question today my answer depends on who is asking the question. If I feel it is relevant I may say that I’m a Retirement Coach.  Otherwise, I may talk about my hobbies (of which I have many), my research and study, or my volunteer work and community service.

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Guest blogger, Greg Butler, retired in January 2007 from his position as Finance and Marketing Director of one of Ireland’s leading grocery brands. He now pursues his interest in writing and retirement coaching, through the medium of inspirational stories, which you can read at  www.retirement-stories.com   He tells real stories about real people, to enable retirees to understand their retirement needs, identify and achieve worthy goals, and lead a more balanced and fulfilled life.

 

 

 

Can You Talk With Your Life Partner About Retirement?

Are you or your spouse anticipating retiring and haven't a clue what your partner wants to do differently? Or what you want, for that matter?

Have you experimented with a new lifestyle (or somewhat altered one) while you're still working, but your spouse is putting it off until he or she has "all the time in the world" to think about it?

Are you and your partner out of synch about when you intend to leave or downsize from your work life? Perhaps you don't want to bring it up, because you sense that this conversation will be a difficult one?

Coaches and psychotherapists, 3rd Agers themselves, Roberta Taylor, RNCS, M.Ed., and Dorian Mintzer, MSW, Ph.D, just published a user-friendly handbook, The Couple's Retirement Puzzle: 10 Must-Have Conversations for Transitioning to the Second Half of Life to help you confront the diffcult questions you approach as you consider retiring. Here are a few of the chapter titles that might intrigue you:

• Changing Roles and Identities: I Don't Do Windows
• Time Together, Time Apart: I Love You and I Need My Space
• Choosing Where and How to Live: Staying Put or Exploring New Frontiers
• Purpose, Meaning, and Giving Back 

The authors deliberated about the title: "Puzzle" is both a noun and a verb, they told me when I interviewed them for my TV show, "Alivelihood." It suggests how couples need to solve puzzles in many domains before they can create a "shared vision" of how they want to live their lives after they retire. Also, in order to create this vision, they often have to "puzzle" it out together. Mintzer and Taylor are optimistic that many couples can learn how to puzzle it out together.

Communication is their mantra and they begin the book with a primer on good communication for which they offer an acronym: Have a BLAST.

• B - Blaming gets in the way
• L - Listen without interrupting
• A - Agree to disagree & don't make  assumptions
• S - Set a safe space for discussion
• T - Take time to talk without distractions

Taylor and Mintzer gathered focus groups of couples of different ages to acquaint themselves with all the topics they wanted to include; they drew from their rich experience as practitioners and from their own personal experiences to create a book filled with resources, suggestions, and vignettes of couples coping with and learning to communicate about the challenging topics of money, sexuality, changed identity, blended families, moving or aging in place, social life, and health.

For the many boomer couples who have not been good communicators about their own needs and intentions and for those who have not anticipated what puzzles retirement will bring, The Couple's Retirement Puzzle offers hope, inspiration, and direction.

 

 

 

 

Former Boston Globe Reporter Writes About How She Learned to Retire

A professional career woman and feminist all her adult life, Susan Trausch found herself choosing to iron her husband's shirts after she took an early buyout from The Boston Globe. Feeling guilty that she was able to be on perpetual vacation while her husband continued working, she wanted to compensate for the perceived inequity. He, thank goodness, would have nothing to do with Susan's ironing his shirts.

Trausch, with the typical tongue-in-cheek humour she displayed in 32 years of writing human interest pieces for the newspaper, turns that exquisite attention to detail to her own journey of finding herself in an entirely different and unfamiliar role. No longer could she whip out her press card to state "who I am." No, now she was Mrs. Housewife, lingering over food selections in the market, intent on cooking the most nutritious and attractive meal possible and having it on the table when her husband entered the house.

Groping Toward Whatever or... How I Learned to Retire is not a how-to book. Rather Truasch wanted to express "How is." How is the path from having lived in a pressure-cooker environment for decades to having no deadlines, no external expectations, years of time stretching forward?

Trausch learned after some "groping," struggling, and a great deal of self-reflection that retirement for her was a time to really be with people. She was in the communications business, she says, but had had no time to communicate. Now she could linger over lunches and listen and talk, not a luxury she had as a journalist.  

She could open windows, smell the fresh air, watch the deer in her yard. She could spend treasured time with her beloved mother-in-law, Alice (a chapter in the book) in the last year of her life. She could be "In the Zone" (another chapter) where she could experience "fusion with the present, being there, being alive, connecting." Unlike many newly retired who pride themselves on being so busy they cannot imagine how they ever had had time to work, she relishes quiet, meditatively taking in her experience, and then writing about it so that she can share what she is learning.

Groping Toward Whatever tells the story of a transition that huge numbers of baby boomers are experiencing or anticipating. Trausch neither glamorizes nor prescribes solutions. She tells it like it is, full of false starts, confusions, insecurity of not knowing, but also the pleasure of finding a new way. A delight to read.

Enter Retirement With Peace of Mind

Guest Blogger, Mary Albert, writes:

In our retirement, the world is a changing place. Our generation has a new plight that didn't typically exist in generations before us: taking care of our aging parents during retirement. Trying to enjoy our 'glory days' can create a challenging problem. Like others in my situation, I don't want to abandon my parents for fear that something will happen while I'm gone.

Here are a few tips to help us get more peace of mind when we're unavailable to our parents because of travel or work committments:

• In-home caretakers for those who need it. These caretakers can come daily, multiple times a week, or whenever required. Most parents will call this 'unnecessary', but can help us to feel more relaxed when we're away.

 

• Adult daycare is another solution. If you can get them to go, your parents can have a pleasant supervised time with other adults their age.

 

• Medical alert systems offer a more independent option. With these systems, help is only a push-button away. Plus, parents will feel less supervised and there is less to worry about.

I've gotten a medical alert system for my parents, and it has given us all another chance at independence. I have a trip to the Caribbean planned next month. They are happy that I'm not constantly checking on them. It's a win-win for everyone. I can enjoy my retirement and they can enjoy their independence.

Contributed by Mary Albert, a blogger for www.happyhealth.net, an innovative senior lifestyle and senior health portal targeting baby boomers and their parents.  The site contains four pillars to lifestyle happiness as well as a medical alert reviews section that reviews and rates medical alert systems.  

A recent NY Times article, titled "Boomers Hit New Self-Absorption Milestone: Age 65," paints boomers as being glum, having regrets, feeling that they failed to reach the promise of their youth. Sure, Boomers were raised with Spock in mind so their voices were given more credence than past generations. Certainly some Boomers were fortunate enough to ride the wave of education and more material affluence than their parents. Many sought out self-development workshops or psychotherapy. Many experimented with drugs or even made it a habit to relax using marijuana.

Despite this history, I can't say that I know any Boomers who are glum in this newly designated "Third Age." On the contrary, they are vibrant, active, looking for and creating lives of meaning and purpose, populating one of many lifelong learning institutes, taking their grandchildren on travel adventures, starting non-profits to benefit people whom they have met on their extensive travels, and on and on.

I am a member of an organization called the Life Planning Network that has engaged in planning for the International Conference on Positive Aging. The conferences are some of the most compelling that I've ever attended - full of eager, responsive, intelligent people who are writing books, starting organizations to benefit all different segments of the aging populations, and just want to be stimulated by like-minded people. Not glum, nor self-absorbed.

Doug Dickson, president of LPN in New England, wrote a response to the NYTimes article. He wrote: "We should be opening doors that enable boomers to apply their education, experience and energy to the solution of longstanding societal challenges.In this way, boomers benefit as caring individuals, and we all benefit from their contributions. And age becomes valued as a community asset, not a liability.

 

I wonder where Dan Barry, the author of the NY Times article cited above, hangs out. Not where I do, that's for sure. We ought to extend him an invitation to the next Positive Aging conference.

What's your experience with reaching 65? Comment below, please.

Want to Be a Stand-Up Comic?

Have you had a secret yearning to stand in front of an audience and make them laugh with stories about your life? Boomers and older are found in large numbers in stand-up comedy education programs. You can fulfill that dream too.

The Wall Street Journal featured Gid Pool in a recent article, "Did you hear the one about the retired real estate agent?" Pool is one of the elite new retired comedians who is sought after by booking agents. He and his wife team up to run their encore career. They even strategize about expanding their business to teaching comedy in active adult communities and going on the circuit as a motivational speaker.

Pool says, "The fastest way to grow old is to act like an old person. I refuse to do that... unless it gets me a cheaper dinner."

I just finished participating in an improvisational acting weekend. Although I don't see myself performing for audiences, I'm elated at the opportunity to act out all the different parts of myself that I wouldn't ordinarily express in everyday life. Anger, sexiness, the provocateur, the impulsive one. The wonderful facilitator/ trainer Daena Giardella creates an atmosphere of trust, where people feel free to be whomever they want to be in the moment. Create a character, play off other participants' scenes or tell a personal story. Move and dance and vocalize to evocative music. It awakens the childlike joy of pretend and "look at me."

What do you do to awaken your childhood joy?